No TV or Eyeball Herpes Avoided

My family doesn't  watch TV.

Thank you Google Images

Don't get me wrong, I am not  an anti-television hippie or anything. In fact, we don't watch because we all like the tube a little too much. We would sit and watch all day if we had it, getting up only to use the bathroom [if that] and to replenish our potato chips.
So, a few years back, the husband and I decided to disconnect the television- which completely sucked at first but is now no big deal.

As good as it is for my family, there are some cons to this TV-less existence.
For starters, At one point in my life, I was hopelessly addicted to a little television show called Lost. You may have heard of it? To watch it, I would drive 15 miles to my mother's house and  hijack her TV.  I don't think she liked the show at all, but she let me do it anyway. What a gal.

Another weird thing is when people find out we don't watch. There are a few common reactions.
1. {GASP} You don't watch TV?!? What do you do all day?

and

2. Well, good for you. (which sounds nice, but most of the time the 'good' is said with two syllables which makes this normally nice phrase sarcastic.)

and my personal favorite

3. But you do watch American Idol (or insert any currently hot program) though, right? RIGHT?

Also, my mother (see above) who has known for almost 4 years that we do not watch any form of TV, will still call me and say, "Did you just see the news story on Channel 9? I think that girl went to your school!"
and my answer, of course, is- Yep. Sure did. She graduated the year before me...

It's just easier that way.

Another thing is that I rarely know what people are talking about around the proverbial water cooler and regularly have to Google things like:

Is "the Situation" a person? 

answer: Yes, a STD riddled one at that.  

Is Mariah Carey pregnant?

answer: Isn't EVERYONE pregnant right now? {way to answer a question with another question, Google.}

Who is Bristol Palin and why should I care?

answer: nobody and you shouldn't.

Is Donald Trump still an insufferable ass hat?

answer: a million times YES.

Thank Goodness for Google.

It's  hard impossible, in fact I REFUSE to avoid TV when I spend time at a house that has *oh dear lord* Cable.

My standards weaken and spend many hours of wide eyed watching. Sucked in by shows I never knew existed.

Hoarders.

Say Yes to the Dress.
Cupcake Wars/Cake Boss/
What NOT to Wear

And some crazy couponing show where these amazingly weird and wonderful people buy 6 trillion dollars worth of groceries for $3.18. I believe this show is called  Hoarders on a Budget. Or possibly Hoarders with coupons, or even Hoarders with better money skills.

 It's like a crazy-horrifying-wonderful-scary-hilarious train wreck and I love it.

Katie + Crazy Coupon ladies = True love forever.

There are also perks that go along with this lifestyle.
1. I have never seen an episode of Jersey Shore. That right there is like, the best perk EVER. According to Google, just watching it can lead to herpes of the eyeballs. This could be a lie, but you know, better safe than sorry.

2. My son does not ask for toys he doesn't really want, but was told to want during commercials at Christmas time. I believe we have saved tens of thousands of dollars on Zhu Zhu Pets alone.


3.The boy is also an amazing reader and has a fabulous vocabulary. He is the actual writer of this blog.
TA DA!! 
Ok, so that was a fib, but seriously, the kid is smart and I know he didn't get that genetically. It HAS to be the no TV rule.

4. We read a lot. Before I found blogs, I would read about a 60 books a year. Which is pretty cool because I know people who haven't read 60 books in their whole life so I feel very  accomplished, comparatively.

5. My house is always hospital-standard clean! (those of you who know me in real life can just keep your comments on this one to yourself.)


So yeah. Life in Casa Opportunity may be TV-less but I'll  say it again.
I HAVE NEVER SEEN JERSEY SHORE.
You're welcome eyes. And brain cells. And stomach.

 So tell me -Do you watch?
Do you not?
What else do I need to Google?

Update. And a teensy weensy rant.

Just a few things today.

First, thank you for all the advice you've given me about the whole blog overhaul. I appreciate it greatly.

Technology = gives Katie a headache.

I think I know exactly what I am going to do.

Hopefully it doesn't suck.

Second, I have installed a new commenting system.  I did this because it was hard for me to reply to my lovely comments with the basic blogger commenting system. EVERYONE IN THE WORLD has that "no reply @ blogger" thing going on and I would really like to be able to reply by email.

Yes, I could just continue to reply in the comment section, however, I don't know about you, but after I leave a comment somewhere, I hardly ever schlep myself over again just to see if I have been acknowledged. I do, however, check my email often and LOVE when a person has responded to my comments there. I imagine there are others that feel the same way.  

Please tell me if you hate it. I can always go back to the old way, but for now, Disqus it is.

Third, if you are a new follower (welcome) and I have not been to your blog, or you have not heard from me in any shape or form, please let me know. My writing life has kind of exploded [in a good way] all of a sudden and I don't want anyone to get lost in the shuffle, ok? Ok. Don't be shy. I don't bite. Unless provoked. Or asked nicely. Or paid to.

The town I grew up in. On a Tuesday.

Last, if you live in the U.S. you probably know that much of the country is expecting

The snowstorm to end ALL SNOWSTORMS.

I even heard on the News today (and almost crashed my car laughing so hard) that some places are expecting...

          "UP TO TWO FEET OF SNOW!!!"

Aaaaahhhhhhhh!

 Wait.. did they say two feet? Yawn. Wake me up when a hurricane is headed our way.

Sorry to be patronizing to you folks who are not used to getting snow, but around these parts when we get two feet of snow, we call that TUESDAY. Am I right Minnesota? Wisconsin?

Deep breath, Midwest. You're gonna be fine. We do this every winter. So- the roads are bad you can't go to Walmart one for one day. Trust me, those hot pockets will be there after the plows come out and return the streets to semi-normalcy. You may even get the day off! You know what that means? 

Adult snow day.

And THAT is rad.

 A winter storm bonus? Awesome sledding!
So, lug those end of the world emergency kits back to the basement find a sled instead. You won't be sorry.

 Another funny thing  about this BIGGEST WINTER STORM IN TEN YEARS is that it doesn't look like it will even hit Northern Michigan at all. { <=== I may be the only one laughing.}Which is awesome, because we deserve a break.


I think that about covers it.

*photos from google images

The Food Fail Anniversary

My husband and I celebrated our anniversary a few days ago. I thought it would be fun to get a babysitter and spend an evening at a restaurant that wasn’t equipped with a drive-through window.

I did some research and found a place that wasn't Taco Bell that sounded interesting.

Café Sante.

European food.

 Extensive wine and beer list.

Score.

It is important to note that my husband and I are not foodies by any stretch of the imagination.

We are, unfortunately, like most Midwestern Americans when it comes to food. By that I mean that our diet consists of things mostly:
 a.) deep fried
or
b.) having the word “nugget” in the name.

I am not proud of this, mind you. I wish I was worldly when it comes to food. I wish that I could turn my nose up to a cheeseburger or a Pop tart, but alas, I can not.

However, for our anniversary, we decided that we were going to go somewhere nice, and broaden our food horizons.

On the way there, I imagined myself being served plate after plate of beautiful European delicacies, sipping expensive French wines and laughing coyly at my husband’s witty stories.

I found myself saying things to my husband like,

“Escargot. Isn’t that snails? People eat them all the time. They must be wonderful. I’m going to try some tonight!”

To which my husband romantically replied, “No you won’t.”

Once inside and perusing the menu, my bravado was nowhere to be found.

Husband: Do you have ANY idea what any of this stuff is?


Me: Um…yeah. I remember some of it from the movie Julie & Julia. I’ll Google definitions on my phone.

Him: I don’t feel like we belong here. We’re simple people.

Me: Relax. We DO belong here. And we are NOT simple. ...Are we simple?

Him: Whatever you do, don’t ask for Ketchup, ok? I am pretty sure they would make fun of us in the kitchen if we do that.

Me: Fine. No ketchup. I guess these FRITTES are out of the question then.

Him: I guess so, but you’re in luck! They have escargot. Only $8! Shall I order that for you to start?

Escar-NO!

Me: What kind of civilized person eats snails? We buy chemicals to kill them when they invade our garden which, by the way only costs $6, and I don’t know if you've forgotten, but they leave a slimy snail trail wherever they go. I am NOT trying them! I will NOT have snail slime in my stomach.

Him: Can I get mussels?

Me: Absolutely. If you want me to vomit on the table.

(oh yes, the magic is still alive.)

We decided to have the Charcuterie Platter to start off our meal.

Our waitress explained that it was basically a selection of meats-dried and cured- served with bread and crackers. (I can totally get behind bread and crackers.)

The plate arrived and the waitress pointed at different things, telling us what they were.

 Point. Pepperoni. (usually on pizza = ok in my book)

Point. Bologna. (not like, Oscar Meyer. This bologna had bits of stuff in it. One of which was chopped pistachios) Note: I could have dealt with Oscar Meyer.

Point. Bigger Pepperoni. (awesome)

Point. Onion Relish (I’ll try that)

Point. Prosciutto. ( Giada de Laurentiis seems to like it)

 Point. Point. Salmon Pate. Duck Pate. ( Nope.)

Waitress: (gesturing at what looked like a very small, gray meatloaf) Duck liver. Ours has pistachios in it. You’ll really enjoy it. (Did they over order pistachios or what?)

With trepidation, my hub and I both grabbed a piece of bread and started out.

I grabbed some pepperoni.

He grabbed his knife and was smearing his bread with some whitish substance I hadn’t heard the waitress name. Brave man.

Me: What are you trying there?


Him: Uh, I believe this is butter.

So officially, I liked:
 the pepperoni (both sizes)
 the onion relish.

I have no opinion of:
 the duck pate. Except that if it did not contain pistachios I would not have tried it at all.

The salmon pate I did not try, based solely on smell.

As for prosciutto? Giada de Laurentiis is playing a trick on us. It tasted like my dogs chew toys smell.

Horizons broadened.

Enough of that nonsense.

For dinner I ordered Cheese Ravioli and the hub ordered Boeuf Bourguignon which got my seal of approval because I remembered it from the movie.

The best part of the meal was definitely the Tiramisu we had for desert.  We loved it because it contains two of our favorite things, Sugar and liqueur.

Like it or not, we are simple at least culinarily speaking.

Next year, we’re just gonna start with the Tiramisu.  If McDonald's would start serving it, our lives would be perfect.
McMisu.
Yum.

a phone a boat and a munchkin. No new car.

I took a few days off there to recharge and regroup and I missed you all very much.
Sooo...lets play catch up. I will tell you some things that happened while I was not blogging and then I will read like a crazy person all day to catch up on all of the blog posts by you guys that I missed.

My life since last blog post:

Got a new phone. Not an iPhone like I was promised. It seems that I read that whole iPhone book for nothing. I thought that maybe I could blog from this new phone and probably can. Unfortunately, I am in my 30's and need one of my teenage nieces or nephews to explain the stupid thing to me because I did NOT read the book for this particular piece of crap technology.

My husband did NOT win the car that was being given away at his store. However, he DID buy a new fishing boat. So while I am sad, he honestly thinks he got the better toy anyway. Try bringing home groceries in THAT thing, buddy. Just try.

My 6 year old decided he would like to try out to be a munchkin in a community production of Wizard of Oz. The boy desperately wants to represent the Lollypop Guild. This is his hearts only desire at the moment. He is AMAZINGLY dramatic so I am sure he is a shoe-in. If not, every child who tries out gets a part. No worries.

let's see... well, that is pretty much it. Wow. Seemed like I had a lot more going on than that. Guess not. Now I must catch up on some reading and find a copy of the Wizard of Oz that is not on VHS.
Wish me luck.

A snowplow a train and a cookbook.

First, I would like to say thank you to everyone who read my last post where I freely admitted to being a snow hater (I know, I know). Controversial stuff, that.

 Thank you for NOT writing me hateful comments about how I should wovey dovey luv the stuff. I know I should, but I don't.
 Spend a good part of your life buried up to your eyeballs in it and it starts to loose its luster.

Anyway, I am very sensitive. Had bad comments happened, I would probably be in the fetal position  on the floor between my bed and the wall eating an entire box of Twinkies. I appreciate that you didn't force me into the fetal position because its much easier to enjoy these Twinkies comfortably on my couch.  Yes, the Twinkies would have been eaten regardless, but you know what I mean.

I wanted to post a few more pictures so that you can see that I am not exaggerating when I say that we get a TON of snow here.  Michigan in general gets a pretty good amount but I happen to reside directly in the middle of the snowbelt (in hindsight, not a good location for my place of residence.) which tends to get 5x more snow than the rest of the state. This is caused by the Great Lakes. Somehow. That's as much as I know.

(photo curtesy of Archives of Michigan)

This was taken in Mancelona Michigan, the town where I grew up. Admittedly. this is an OLD photo, but the amount of snow remains the same even if the methods of removal have evolved.

 I can say however, in high school I was blessed with many snow days.

I didn't mind it so much then.

Photo curtesy of RailPhotos.net

Photo by Mark W. Anderson

This photo was taken in 2008. Even though I don't appreciate the snow, I do think this picture is pretty awesome. It was also taken in the town where I grew up.

So my plan is to move somewhere tropical where there is NEVER any snow. I will stay there for 30 years and when I really get to missing the stuff and become all nostalgic about sledding or making a snow angels or FINALLY feel the need to go skiing, I will pack my bags and go back to Michigan.For old time's sake   hop on the internet and search the weather forcast for Northern Michigan and focus on that until the feeling passes.

Now if you will excuse me, I have some heavy reading to do...

(Photo curtesy of google images)

Yes, this book does exist.

You can get it for $9.32 on Amazon.

(ahem) I heard.

Trying not to be persnickety...

So my mother accused me of being

"Amazingly judgemental"

 and

 "highly nit-picky"

and

"HYPER Critical." 

All in relation to my last few blog posts.

To this I say, "You're damn right!"
 This is, after all my blog. Is it not?
"Give it a rest," she says, "blog about something else."
Fine.
Always ruining my fun.
Soooo... I have decided that what I would do today is give you, dear reader, insight into my super fantastic-completely fabulous life.

  Please take a look at exhibit 1. Or, as I like to call it- My totally awesome plans for the  past weekend.

I managed to complete those super exciting weekend chores.

  -Laundry.

-Return Library books.

-Grocery Shopping.

I know. You didn't know you were reading the blog of a world famous jet-setter huh?

How did I do it all?

By avoiding doing the tasks not crossed off.

-Rent 'Just Friends' @ Family Video. &Return A's Movies.

Walk INTO the video store? Ugh. No thanks. And returning Hubby's movies? Nope. Late fee-Schmate fee.

-Call about getting the oven fixed.

Considering that it has probably been broken for 6 months and I JUST found out it was not working a couple of days ago leads me to believe that I don't have to be any big hurry to get the thing fixed.  Now, if the local pizza shop was broken, my family might notice. The oven? Not so much.

-Price laptops.

Ack. Pushing...all...those...buttons... 

-Go through toys to be donated.

No!  How about pick out the 2 toys we will be keeping and then call Goodwill to come get the rest. If I step on Lego Indiana Jones one more time...well...I don't know. I'll probably melt him down with a lighter to make an example out of him to all the other Lego people residing on my carpet.

-Ask Mom for the correct spelling of my 'dads' name.
I was going to bribe my mother with taco's in the hopes of getting some better info about this guy.
She didn't want any tacos.

 Talk to Julie about Frickin' stupid iPod.
Forgot. Even though it was RIGHT there. On the list.

As you can see though, it turns out that it is not possible for me to post a blog entry without judging people.
The very artistic stick person at the bottom of the page is a drawing I made of a woman I saw coming out of WALMART.
She was SUPER skinny and was wearing those big, ugly, furry boots that people who are not me can't seem to resist.
TO EACH HIS OWN.
I know. How non-judgemental, right?

Actually, that list was a fake. Here is my REAL list.

You can see why I wanted to keep this quiet.

It's only a matter of time before the media is all over this story.

George Clooney has fallen in love with the way that I rollerskate to the song

 Wake Me Up Before You Go Go.

You can read more about our amazing  whirlwind love story in a upcoming issue of PEOPLE magazine. The working title for that piece is "Meet the Amazing REGULAR gal that tamed George Clooney."

My Victoria's Secret model body has nothing to do with it.

Now to find that fishing boat for my current husband.

He will be TOTALLY fine with the trade, by the way.