So, it happened today.
Something so humiliating, so soul-crushing, so throwupinyourmouth-inducing that I can barely bring myself to think about it. (Blog about it,Yes. Absolutely. As you well know if you are a regular here, I don't think while I blog. So we're safe.)
Are you ready for it?
Today I was mistakenly identified again** as a pregnant woman.
If this has never happened to you, consider yourself lucky.
If it has-my condolences.
The crappy part of all of this is that I have no good comeback for this embarrassing situation. I pride myself on having witty comebacks for embarrassing situations. Take a gander of these beauties:
I know you are, but what am I?
I'm rubber you're glue...blah blah ...sticks to you!
Your mother wears combat boots!
And when in a pinch, I have been known to use:
*only to be used if you will never see the person you are saying it to again because this is absolutely NOT a good comeback. You both know it.
Ok, so I prided myself on having snappy, knife like retorts when I was 12 and not much has changed in my repertoire since then.
This situation demands a response.
Just looking at the person with a blank stare as a single tear rolls down your cheek is not enough.
I am always tempted to say, "you think I'm preggo huh? Then you will definitely not be expecting this... (perform a ninja-like kick directly to the persons sternum) from a pregnant lady!"
Except, I'm chubby, which is what got me into this mess in the first place, and can not deliver a kick that high.
So, you can see that that my retort has to be especially biting to make up for my lack of ability to kick people in the sternum.
Until I can find the perfect comeback for this, It will warm my chubby little heart and my plus sized soul to know that when I say "um...no" to people when they ask if I'm pregnant, they feel like total assbags for not knowing the rule that you NEVER ask that question. Never.
**this has now happened on 3 seperate occasions. Maybe I should take the hint.
And get pregnant.