Mistaken identity or, the inability to ninja kick.

So, it happened today.

Something so humiliating, so soul-crushing, so throwupinyourmouth-inducing  that I can barely bring myself to think about it. (Blog about it,Yes. Absolutely. As you well know if you are a regular here, I don't think while I blog. So we're safe.)

Are you ready for it?

Today I was mistakenly identified again** as a pregnant woman.

If this has never happened to you, consider yourself lucky.
If it has-my condolences.

The crappy part of all of this is that I have no good comeback for this embarrassing situation. I pride myself on having witty comebacks for embarrassing situations. Take a gander of these beauties:

I know you are, but what am I?
Yo momma!
I'm rubber you're glue...blah blah ...sticks to you!
Oh yeah?
Your mother wears combat boots!
And when in a pinch, I have been known to use:
*only to be used if you will never see the person you are saying it to again because this is absolutely NOT a good comeback. You both know it.

Ok, so I prided myself on having snappy, knife like retorts when I was 12 and not much has changed in my repertoire since then.
This situation demands a response.
Just looking at the person with a blank stare as a single tear rolls down your cheek is not enough.
I am always tempted to say, "you think I'm preggo huh? Then you will definitely not be expecting this... (perform a ninja-like kick directly to the persons sternum) from a pregnant lady!"
Except, I'm chubby, which is what got me into this mess in the first place, and can not deliver a kick that high.
So, you can see that that my retort has to be especially biting to make up for my lack of ability to kick people in the sternum.

Until I can find the perfect comeback for this, It will warm my chubby little heart and my plus sized soul to know that when I say "um...no" to people when they ask if I'm pregnant, they feel like total assbags for not knowing the rule that you NEVER ask that question. Never.

**this has now happened on 3 seperate occasions. Maybe I should take the hint.
And get pregnant.


  1. How terrible! I don't think there's a good comeback for that one...I'd be horrified enough to be wrong!

  2. I would have really like to kick that one too for sure.

  3. Oh God Katie. This is ridiculous. Oh ninja kicks wont do, because that wont make them realise what their mistake it.. a dirty look with a SATC like retort would be the best gesture that will make them, like you said, realise the rule that you NEVER ask that question.

  4. I just look them straight in the eye and tell them I'm not pregnant. I quite enjoy their discomfort. Does that make me bad?

  5. Nightmare - I can relate to that from the other point of view after reducing a woman to tears on the underground by offering her my seat!

    Can I suggest the retort... "Ask your b**tard father - he told me he'd had a vasectomy!"

    you can substitute father with husband, brother, son or grandfather as required... should do the trick.

  6. @oddyoddyo13 -I'm counting on that, since I have nothing else. ;)
    @Teacher Mommy- ACK. I hate when this happens.

    @Mishieru - and to complete the circle, one I am able to actually DO that kick, I probably won't NEED to be able to to it anymore. It's a vicious circle.

    @Glen- You bet YOUR ASS I will be using that one. I almost can't wait.
    I'm a sick individual.

    @Ratz- I agree. WHOLEHEARTEDLY.

    @Barbara- so far, these people have been REALLY uncomfortable. I quite enjoy that too.

  7. I don't understand why people don't seem to get it, that this is not a question that they should be asking.

  8. @In Real Life - I is SUCH a simple rule. Maybe they've just never heard it?!

  9. This has happened to me multiple times as well...take heart, you are not alone :)

  10. Whenever I hear about that happening, the first thing I think is, What the hell is wrong with the person asking if someone is pregnant?! Something is WRONG with THEM.

  11. I was walking along the street in Vienna last week and a very young and attractive woman with large breasts walked past me. I did what any hetro man would do and looked at her magnificent bosoms. She rolled her eyes! It's official I am a dirty old man. I would rather be thought of as pregnant than a DOM.


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