The Food Fail Anniversary

My husband and I celebrated our anniversary a few days ago. I thought it would be fun to get a babysitter and spend an evening at a restaurant that wasn’t equipped with a drive-through window.

I did some research and found a place that wasn't Taco Bell that sounded interesting.

Café Sante.
European food.
 Extensive wine and beer list.

It is important to note that my husband and I are not foodies by any stretch of the imagination.

We are, unfortunately, like most Midwestern Americans when it comes to food. By that I mean that our diet consists of things mostly:
 a.) deep fried
b.) having the word “nugget” in the name.

I am not proud of this, mind you. I wish I was worldly when it comes to food. I wish that I could turn my nose up to a cheeseburger or a Pop tart, but alas, I can not.

However, for our anniversary, we decided that we were going to go somewhere nice, and broaden our food horizons.

On the way there, I imagined myself being served plate after plate of beautiful European delicacies, sipping expensive French wines and laughing coyly at my husband’s witty stories.

I found myself saying things to my husband like,

“Escargot. Isn’t that snails? People eat them all the time. They must be wonderful. I’m going to try some tonight!”

To which my husband romantically replied, “No you won’t.”

Once inside and perusing the menu, my bravado was nowhere to be found.

Husband: Do you have ANY idea what any of this stuff is?

Me: Um…yeah. I remember some of it from the movie Julie & Julia. I’ll Google definitions on my phone.

Him: I don’t feel like we belong here. We’re simple people.

Me: Relax. We DO belong here. And we are NOT simple. ...Are we simple?

Him: Whatever you do, don’t ask for Ketchup, ok? I am pretty sure they would make fun of us in the kitchen if we do that.

Me: Fine. No ketchup. I guess these FRITTES are out of the question then.

Him: I guess so, but you’re in luck! They have escargot. Only $8! Shall I order that for you to start?

Me: What kind of civilized person eats snails? We buy chemicals to kill them when they invade our garden which, by the way only costs $6, and I don’t know if you've forgotten, but they leave a slimy snail trail wherever they go. I am NOT trying them! I will NOT have snail slime in my stomach.

Him: Can I get mussels?

Me: Absolutely. If you want me to vomit on the table.

(oh yes, the magic is still alive.)

We decided to have the Charcuterie Platter to start off our meal.

Our waitress explained that it was basically a selection of meats-dried and cured- served with bread and crackers. (I can totally get behind bread and crackers.)

The plate arrived and the waitress pointed at different things, telling us what they were.

 Point. Pepperoni. (usually on pizza = ok in my book)

Point. Bologna. (not like, Oscar Meyer. This bologna had bits of stuff in it. One of which was chopped pistachios) Note: I could have dealt with Oscar Meyer.

Point. Bigger Pepperoni. (awesome)

Point. Onion Relish (I’ll try that)

Point. Prosciutto. ( Giada de Laurentiis seems to like it)

 Point. Point. Salmon Pate. Duck Pate. ( Nope.)

Waitress: (gesturing at what looked like a very small, gray meatloaf) Duck liver. Ours has pistachios in it. You’ll really enjoy it. (Did they over order pistachios or what?)

With trepidation, my hub and I both grabbed a piece of bread and started out.

I grabbed some pepperoni.

He grabbed his knife and was smearing his bread with some whitish substance I hadn’t heard the waitress name. Brave man.

Me: What are you trying there?

Him: Uh, I believe this is butter.

So officially, I liked:
 the pepperoni (both sizes)
 the onion relish.

I have no opinion of:
 the duck pate. Except that if it did not contain pistachios I would not have tried it at all.

The salmon pate I did not try, based solely on smell.

As for prosciutto? Giada de Laurentiis is playing a trick on us. It tasted like my dogs chew toys smell.

Horizons broadened.
Enough of that nonsense.

For dinner I ordered Cheese Ravioli and the hub ordered Boeuf Bourguignon which got my seal of approval because I remembered it from the movie.

The best part of the meal was definitely the Tiramisu we had for desert.  We loved it because it contains two of our favorite things, Sugar and liqueur.

Like it or not, we are simple at least culinarily speaking.

Next year, we’re just gonna start with the Tiramisu.  If McDonald's would start serving it, our lives would be perfect.


  1. I thought I had the only plain family in the midwest. Fancy nights for us is eating out at Lou Malnati's or Gino's East. :) Sounds like a fun experience though, happy anniversary!

  2. Happy anniversary! Don't feel bad. I like fancy food and I still don't like prosciutto. I try to like it, but I'd rather have a bit slice of pepperoni instead!

  3. my favorite food is a sandwich so don't feel bad

  4. Too funny!
    I enjoy restaurants with drive-thru windows - they are safe and familiar; I am not adventurous with food - at all. I am culinarily simple too!

  5. McMisu :-D

    proper funny post - we are much the same you and I - my Wife absolutely hates it when I ask for ketchup in nice restaurants.

    I tried escargot in Paris and I have to say it was by far the most disgusting thing I have ever seen or tasted. I had a VERY big pudding that night.

    However I must say Prosciutto is one of my absolute favorite things - I love it. It took me four months living in Italy before I dared try it as it looked like raw meat to me (funny that) but once I allowed lager to talk me into it ... bang and yum.

  6. Happy anniversary may you have a blessed year. I laughed at your blog, I love to try new things, I never have the same thing at any restaurant, and I never have anything I can cook myself at home, I also love to cook, they say food is an aquired taste, you need to taste it 10 times before you can say you don't like it.... thats a lot of anniversaries..........

  7. Happy Anniversary you two big fancy schmancy pants.

  8. Wow you get to go out for dinner for your anniversary - I'm impressed (or is it jealous lol) :-)

    Sounds like you had a lovely time Happy Anniversary.

  9. You are so funny!! Duck liver???? It looked like small, gray meatloaf? I am going to be sick. Forever. You so made me laugh out loud with McMisu. Hahaha!!!

    Something else that made me laugh out loud? Your definition for HAYREGLO. Ha! I want to go to the store today and get some Nice 'n Easy in the hayreglo hue. I don't care if I am only 36 (well, almost). You know...36 may be old enough for hayreglo, now that I think about it more.

  10. I hope you patented McMisu, because that's awesome.

  11. I agree with Lucas! McMisu would be awesome. I love Tiramisu, and if I could get it at a drive thru I'd be awesome. Plus if you end with an "exotic" Italian dessert then who cares if you have a cheeseburger!

  12. Rhond - I TOTALLY AGREE!

    Luke- I know, right?!

    Kelley - I am totally hooked on Captcha Balderdash now. How fun!

    Karen (nerdy computer girl)- We don't get out often as you can see here ;)

    Marla- Thank you. I should get a t-shirt that says Mrs. Fancy Schmancy Pants... that would be rad.

    Karen- 10 times?!? That IS a lot of anniversaries

    Glen- I am pretty sure that I will try it (proscuitto) again. Maybe. I think.

    In Real life- :) and THAT is why I like you so much!

    daddygreenspride- a PROSCUITTO sandwhich??!! :)

    Kim- what are some fancy foods that are NOT horrible? I really would like to broaden my horizons.

    Kindros- oh no. There are a bunch of us here in the midwest. That's why McDonald's is thriving!

  13. The key to trying fancy foods is to drink lots of fancy wine first!

  14. Katie.. I laughed the whole time I read this and even grabbed myhusband and read it to him. Also to answer your question. I got the mytouch 3g..and I love it. Best phone ever..slide up family..loooove it.


  16. The hubs and I once tried this new place together, and what an experience! We will always remember it. One of the items on the menu (at this UP SCALE place) was "Rabbit and two fried eggs" !!!!! What?

    I have an award for you at my site!


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