People of Facebook Part 1

I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook.
I love that it's such an easy way to stay in touch with friends and family across the globe.
I hate that Facebook has become another way for grown up people to act EXACTLY the way they did in middle school.

There are certain types of personalities that inhabit facebook that make me want to delete my account and never look back.
These people are really jackassy. They bring their real life jack-assery to the digital world. They suck.
Let me introduce just a few.

1. The Twitterer- 
  Sample Status update(s)

PB&J debacle solved. Got Subway instead. Score.
Just now

At the store. All they have is CRUNCHY! :(
2 minutes ago

Damnit! Out of Peanut butter. Better go grocery shopping.
15 minutes ago

Which kind of Jelly to use? Strawberry or Grape? That is the question
17 minutes ago

Yep. Having the PB& J. Is there any better sandwich?
19 minutes ago

I think I want a peanut butter & jelly sandwich for lunch
22 minutes ago

This person thinks that Facebook and Twitter are interchangeable. On Twitter, I can look the other way when people tweet 22 times in a row. On facebook, you're just clogging up my home page. Stop doing that.

2. The lover -
Sample status update

My wonderful husband and my wonderful, beautiful children made me a  fabulous cake from scratch today just because they love me sooo much. I just lovey lovey love LOVE them so much.  I Love you Bob Smith, Kelly Smith, Timmy Smith, baby Smithy Smith and Bobo Smith (the doggy)!  <3 <3

 the lover loves everything, and she loves it all a little too much. She has the most romantic handsome husband, her job is simply amazing and she is so lucky to have it, her kids are the most outstanding children on earth, her dog wouldn't dream of getting fleas, her car shines like a diamond and drives like a dream, her local Walmart has the best service, her mailman is friendly, her Avon sales representative has amazing samples for her to try...everyone in her life is a-maz-ing. She loves to love people and she loves to tell all of her FB friends just how much she loves life. Really. She loves it.
 I hate her.

3. The song quoter-
Sample Status update
Who let the dogs out? Who? Who? Who? Who?
or possibly-
 All I wanna do in the middle of the evening is hold you tight, Rosanna. Rosanna!
Oh, and thanks for the earworm you jerk.
Related annoying person: The Movie Quoter 

4. Miss Speller & My Poor Gramma(r) -
Sample Status Update

I aint goin to work tamorow I diserve a vaccation guna go shopping insted

 at some point, this adult person must have thought,  "Screw it. Spelling is overrated."-and meant it.
Now, not everyone is a master speller, but spell check that crap.
This goes double for you if you are a teacher and your spelling is atrocious.

5. Death's Doormat-
Sample Status update

I have the worst head cold ever! I think my head is literally going to explode. It feels like my head is being hit by a bus. Repeatedly. I am in SOOOO much pain. And, I think I broke my toe. It huuuuurts soooo bad! It feels like tiny gnomes are poking my toe with tiny sharpened pencils. OUCH!

 this person is always at death's door. They have a cold. The flu. Food poisoning so bad that they can not stop throwing up. And, even considering all the throwing up they are doing, they are still dedicated enough to plunk themselves in front of a computer and tell us this? Ick. Go to bed. I don't want to catch your contagious douchebaggery.

6. The Jonses-
Sample Status update

Just got back from our Bi-annual safari in Africa and in the mail was a great big bonus from work so we went ahead and got that new Lexus I've had my eye on for weeks (yay! Finally!!) Going to drive it around as much as I can before we leave on the yacht for our yearly month long Tahitian vacation at the end of the month. :)

This person has an enormous house in a fabulous gated community, multiple expensive cars,  32 snowmobiles, 12 Jet skis, a yacht, an in-ground swimming pool, pure bred dogs, a perfectly manicured lawn, sparkling jewelry, and goes on the best vacations. Dont believe them? They have pictures (and pictures and more pictures) to prove it.
Especially annoying when these people are relatives. I...uh..hear.

Many MANY more to come in part 2 . 

Who is YOUR least favorite FB personality?


  1. How have you not showed up in my "People you May Know" feed because I swear you have the same turds added on Facebook added that I do.

    I also hate the un-creative jerks that post shit that has to be reposted. "Post this for one hour..." OR WHAT? What will happen if I don't? Me posting that for an hour is not going to cure cancer, or do anything except stop your shit from eating my News Feed for 60 minutes!

    My statuses are what I consider "good Facebooking" they aren't short, because it's not necessary to update every little thing you do. Seriously, it's not an update if you are about to have lunch at 12pm, it's common bloody sense!

    They aren't "lovey dovey" because it's no secret I love my family, but even though I do, my two year old still occasionally pisses on my carpet regardless, and if I am about to die, rather than Facebook it, I get my damn arse to the bloody hospital.

    GAH. And, this is the bit that cheeses me off, I have more "fights" on my statuses than anyone I know because apparently my statuses aren't any of these things and I am an "arsehole", because of it. If I could delete everyone and just have me as a friend, I would be entertained for hours!

  2. I have a love/hate relationship with FB as well. I have clicked the Hide X on so many people it's not even funny...then they wonder why I never talk to them on FB. Uhm because you're an annoying ass and I had to X you. Seriously.

  3. Love the ones that want to tell you how much they have been doing on farmville/mafia wars/et etc ..... NOT. Stop filling up my page with crap I say.

  4. I hate Miss Speller - I can't even read half of what they say - I mean I get that text speak came about for texting - but you can post really long status on FB - why do it AGGGHH occasional typos and mis spells are fine but come on ... :-) oh and that loved up one - get a room

  5. Mine is the "re-post this I you have or love xyz" poster...oh and the chronic misspelling...stab stab stab

  6. I'm really only annoyed by 3 of my facebook friends. One always has to make a point to tell you where she is every second of every day. As if I care. Another is a chronic misspeller. I understand and am guilty of occasional misspellings but to have it repeatedly in every single posting just bugs me. And the third one - well, I'm pretty sure she tries to make her life sound much more interesting than it acutally is.

  7. *Slinks off to check her last few facebook statuses in a mildly concerned that she's a guilty party here manner*

  8. The worst fb poster is the one who post while you're trying to eat dinner, see a movie,go shopping, ect. Oh heaven forbid have a conversation while you're hanging out!!

  9. Katie - Sad but true, huh?

    Tara- Oh yes, chain mail via FB is pretty horrible!

    Rhonda, I am always shocked that anyone shows up my feed at all, with all the X'ing I do!

    Barbara - these observations are not based on any of my blog readers that also happen to be my friends on FB. You are a perfectly wonderful FB friend!

    Sarah - I HATE HATE HATE that FB is ever-present no matter where you go! I especially hate when people pick up their phone to check it while I am trying to talk to them. HUGE PET PEEVE!

    Glen- of course, the next, like 8 billion things I post will be positively riddled with bad spelling and grammar problems I'm sure.

    Sprinkles - we must share some friends ;)

  10. With the exception of the rich Facebook friend, I have a friend that fits into every one of these categories. And in some cases, multiples.
    I am also apprehensive to point out that some of my updates are ridiculously lame and pointless.

    My least favorite FB friends are the ones who can't spell to save their lives. Tommarrow, using the wrong form of your/you're, there/their/they're...etc.

    You should include in the lovey section: Look how smart my baby is, he just blew a spit bubble.
    Yeah... Maybe I'm a bitch today.

  11. Brilliant! I think have at least one of each of these douchbags hanging around on my feed and unfortunately most seem to be related to me. Time to X them I think. Great post!

  12. I might just have to share this on facebook :)

  13. Entertaining! I have a FB who continually posts about how gorgeous their child is and how perpetually positive their life is and it makes me want to spew.

  14. Love it. Though I would add 'The Shouter' WHO NEEDS TO CAPITALIZE EVERYTHING. These people should be shot on sight or at least not allowed to breed. The subspecies, 'The Intermittant Shouter/Moron' who uses capitals RanDOmly, should be punched in the nads, repeatedly.


    I know those people! I dislike those people...hahaha!

    oh and I agree with rusty hoe!!

  16. The Me-Too'er-Outdoer drives me bonkers. I don't mean just once in a while; this is the person who has to one-up everyone's status updates and change the subject to boot.


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