I am UNCOOL
If any of you have been thinking that I am a very trendy, super rad 31 year old, you would be wrong.
There I was, skipping through life completely unaware that I am completely square.
It's amazing how I am just into my 30's and these
horrible little aliens fascinating children make me feel like I have one foot in a retirement home and the other in a nice white velcro orthopaedic shoe.
In 1997 I was the bomb diggity. (Ok, they may have a point)
It all started with a trip to the mall with previously mentioned nieces (ages 16 and 15) and nephew (age 14).
To be fair to myself, they are only my nieces and nephews through marriage so they are predisposed to think of me as some sort of circus freak like their grandparents (my in-laws) do..
Anyway, they didn't come right out and tell me that I'm not cool (and I use the word cool here but there is probably some other word for cool now like 'Nasty' or 'Submarine' but how would I know what the current equivalent is?)
Here are snippets of actual conversations I had with these teenagers.
Me: So- what kind of music do you guys listen to now?
Them: (in unison) Lady Gaga!
Me: For real? Does anyone listen to Pearl Jam anymore?
15 year old: I've never heard of her. What does she sing?
14 yr. old nephew: When we get to the mall, I need to look for a new lid.
Me: A lid for what? ( A box? A bottle? Don't things that need lids automatically come with them?)
14 yr. old: For my head. You know....a L..I..D?!?
(as if saying it louder and slower would crystalize the idea for me.)
Me: Oh, do you mean a hat?
14 yr. old: Yeah. A lid.
(apparently the word hat has been completely erased from his vocabulary)
ON FASHION/THE ECONOMY
Me: Why does this shirt cost $61 ?
Them: Because it's Hollister
Me: You can get a shirt that looks exactly like this at Target for like, $15!
Them: But it wouldn't say Hollister on it.
Me: But you could save yourself $46 at Target.
Them: Would you stop saying (mouths the word )TARGET? If we got our clothes at (in a whisper) Target- we wouldn't have a LIFE Aunt Katie!
Me: But just think of all the Red Bulls you could buy with the extra money!
Them: We don't drink Red Bull
Me: Well good. That stuff is terrible for you.
Them: We drink Rockstar
ON THE OPPOSITE SEX
15 year old girl: Aunt Katie-look at that cute guy over there.
15 yr old: Right there by the McDonald's sign...
Me: I see a homeless girl with bangs in her face and ripped up skinny jeans by the McDonald's sign.
15 yr old : That's not a GIRL!! And he's cute.
Me: Boys wear skinny jeans?
15 yr old: UH YAH....(as if I am the dumbest person she has ever spoken to)
Me: No one beats them up?
15 yr old: Why would they? Skinny jeans are cool. You don't think that guy is hot? Should I go talk to him?
Me: Yes. And while you are over there tell him to get a hair cut and buy some carpenter jeans.
15 yr old : He's not a carpenter. He's probably a skater.
Me: I need a nap
I could go on and on here with more examples but you get the point and I need to go drink my Ensure and take a load off these bunions. Damn Orthopaedic shoes...