Is being a Nasty Submarine a good thing? Probably. If you're 15.

If it weren't for my nieces and nephews, I wouldn't be able to bring you this newly uncovered gem about myself: 
   I am UNCOOL
If any of you have been thinking that I am a very trendy, super rad 31 year old, you would be wrong.

There I was, skipping through life completely unaware that I am completely square.

It's amazing how I am just into my 30's and these horrible little aliens fascinating children make me feel like I have one foot in a retirement home and the other in a nice white velcro orthopaedic shoe.

 In 1997 I was the bomb diggity. (Ok, they may have a point)

It all started with a trip to the mall with previously mentioned nieces (ages 16 and 15) and nephew (age 14).

 To be fair to myself, they are only my nieces and nephews through marriage so they are predisposed to think of me as some sort of circus freak like their grandparents (my in-laws) do..
Anyway, they didn't come right out and tell me that I'm not cool (and I use the word cool here but there is probably some other word for cool now like 'Nasty' or 'Submarine' but how would I know what the current equivalent is?)

Here are snippets of actual conversations I had with these teenagers.

Me: So- what kind of music do you guys listen to now?
Them: (in unison) Lady Gaga!
Me: For real?  Does anyone listen to Pearl Jam anymore?
15 year old: I've never heard of her. What does she sing?

14 yr. old nephew: When we get to the mall, I need to look for a new lid.
Me: A lid for what? ( A box? A bottle? Don't things that need lids automatically come with them?)
14 yr. old:  For my head. You know....a  L..I..D?!?
(as if saying it louder and slower would crystalize the idea for me.)
Me: Oh, do you mean a hat?
14 yr. old:  Yeah. A lid.
(apparently the word hat has been completely erased from his vocabulary)


Me: Why does this shirt cost $61 ?
Them: Because it's Hollister
Me: You can get a shirt that looks exactly like this at Target for like, $15!
Them: But it wouldn't say Hollister on it.
Me: But you could save yourself $46 at Target.
Them: Would you stop saying (mouths the word )TARGET? If we got our clothes at (in a whisper) Target- we wouldn't have a LIFE Aunt Katie!
Me: But just think of all the Red Bulls you could buy with the extra money!
Them: We don't drink Red Bull
Me: Well good. That stuff is terrible for you.
Them: We drink Rockstar
15 year old girl: Aunt Katie-look at that cute guy over there.
Me: Where?
15 yr old: Right there by the McDonald's sign...
Me: I see a homeless girl with bangs in her face and  ripped up skinny jeans by the McDonald's sign.
15 yr old :  That's not a GIRL!!  And he's cute.
Me: Boys wear skinny jeans?
15 yr old: UH YAH....(as if I am the dumbest person she has ever spoken to)
Me: No one beats them up?
15 yr old: Why would they? Skinny jeans are cool. You don't think that guy is hot? Should I go talk to him?
Me: Yes. And while you are over there tell him to get a hair cut and buy some carpenter jeans.
15 yr old : He's not a carpenter. He's probably a skater.
Me: I need a nap
I could go on and on here with more examples but you get the point and I need to go drink my Ensure and take a load off these bunions. Damn Orthopaedic shoes...


  1. I love the Target!!! Psh. Target is the bomb diggity. And that's that.

  2. I love Target too!! It makes me want to do the "Roger Rabbit" and the "Running man". Kids!

  3. I love Target too, but I'm 35. Enough said.

  4. Mwahahahaha. And for the record I love Tarjay. That's haute couture Target. Ahem.

  5. Red Bull? What's Red Bull? Kidding! Sort of.

    I can't wait until my kids are teens. I don't know which will be greater. Their power to render me insane or mine to embarrass the hell out of them. Let the race begin.

  6. Ah, you see what we have here is a case of mistaken cool. It is you who is cool, not your teenage heathens who haven't heard of Pearl Jam. Tsk, young people nowadays.

  7. @kbxmas - with any luck and your wonderful imagination I know you will totally win that race!!

    @Barbara - Thank you. You know, I think you are right. When I am in my fifties and these kids are in their 30's I will show them this blog post and I am guessing they will beg my forgiveness. Also, if they are gonna treat me old, I am going to send them a dollar for their birthday's. Thats what my smart grandma does. Old! a fox

  8. You can't compare your "cool" to a teenager's "cool". It is like apples to oranges. You have to compare it to other people in your age group. I think you are totally cool. I am 34, and I love Pearl Jam and Target. I also think that teenage boys look like little girls. I am so cool, and so are you!

  9. @layin' it down... THANK YOU for that. You are So right! It is apples and oranges. How did I let those little shits get to me?? They are all getting Target gift cards and Pearl Jam cd's for Christmas. It is my duty to introduce them to things in life they might be missing. I start with these two...

  10. And Red Bull. Stick one in each stocking.

  11. Pearl Jam? is that like Loganberry? And I have no concept of what 'skinny jeans' actually are either! oh dear - I fear I'm not going to be mid to late 30's much longer :-(


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