Society and I have a chat

As if I needed to give myself some other reason to feel sick, I’ve spent the last week or so looking for a dress to wear to an outdoor wedding this summer.

There is no experience that will set a chubby girl more firmly in her place than dress shopping (except maybe bathing suit shopping- but I’m no masochist so I just avoid that altogether.)

It’s as if society as a whole is hell bent against letting us chubby gals feel a teeny tiny bit of confidence.

Me: (thinking) Hmm, the wedding is in two weeks…its outdoors. A cute sundress would be perfect. I think I’m going to go buy one.




Society: “Hey fatty- you think you’re going to find a cute dress that will cover all your bodily imperfections? Well think again sister! That dress only comes in a size 2! (Evil laughter ensues)



Me: Geez Society, take it easy. I’m not asking for the moon. I would just like a dress that I’ll look cute in.





Society: What? I’m sorry, I was evil laughing so loudly, I didn’t hear what you said. Bah, makes no difference. You are a hefty gal. As punishment, you are sentenced to wear only clothing that is horribly ugly, uncomfortable and unflattering. It’s your own fault, you know.



Me: It’s not all my fault! And there has to be SOMEONE designing nice looking clothes for people like me…?!



Society: (choking on last sip of Evian water) Are you kidding? Did you need that 3rd slice of pizza? Is it necessary to eat Nutella directly from the jar off the biggest spoon you can find? You drink Coca Cola like you SHOULD be drinking water. ‘Nuff said. YOUR FAULT! Clearly, having no self control, you are not worthy of cute clothing. Oh, and just ‘cuz I’m SOCIETY and I can, you’re gonna pay MORE for those ugly clothes than those skinny girls have to pay for theirs. Tra-la-la.



This is where I get some well needed exercise and I unceremoniously kick society in the groin.*



Ok. Ok. Stop yelling at me through your computer. I realize that if I just lost weight (duh) I could stop complaining but that’s not the point. .



The point is that it’s just. So. Annoying.



‘Chubby gal’clothes always have some combination of one or more of the following:

Large Bow(s)

Horizontal stripes

Black as the main color (hello, slimming!)

Shiny crap  (Yeah, just what I want, reflective extras on my spare tire. Good look.)

Ridiculous floral patterns

Sometimes, you will even stumble across a piece of clothing that contains all 5 of those traits. You should never look directly at it. If you do you will burst into flames. You’ve been warned.

Ok, fine. This is the end of the rant but just to prove my point that society is trying to tell me something consider these:

Exhibit A:  CATHERINES'  PLUS SIZE CLOTHING. My name is Katherine. This is the image that popped up when I asked for plus size clothing logo's. = Katie, you're fat.

 Clever use of a 'C' but I'm on to them.

Didn't like that one?  A bit of a stretch perhaps?

Exhibit B:

Lane Bryant PLUS SIZE CLOTHES.

Lane Bryant?  

Lb.

The short way to write "pound" ?

Sneaky. Subliminal.

Well played Lane Bryant.

Ugh. I need a ccheesecake salad.

*I didn't really kick society in the groin. I poked it in the eyes.

Thank you google images.