Has your home ever been in such a state of filthy disarray that you believe that burning the place to the ground and starting over would be preferable and less horrifying than the thought of actually cleaning it? I'm more than a little embarrassed to say that I find my home in this situation more often than I would like. I have a reoccurring nightmare where I am killed by ninjas and my extended family gets together around a large table to talk about tying up my loose ends such as: who gets my
sweet minivan, what to do with the $14 in my savings account, and who gets the remaining copies my Redbook subscription. They do this animatedly for hours before finally they need to decide who will go to my house and sort through the rest of my belongings. So, my mother, who is obviously highly distressed about losing her only daughter and is showing it by wearing a mini skirt and furry boots, says, "So, who wants to go to Katie's house and clean up?" there's a long uncomfortable silence and then all at once, every single person at the table says "NOT IT!".
This is disturbing to me on many levels but mostly because in this scenario my mother is dressed like Snookie.
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| No. Just no. |
Anyway, so yes, my house is a disaster. Like...
Hoarders with less dried cat poop and more dust. It's not disgusting like, unsanitary- but more cluttered than anything else. We all have problems with a)throwing things away and b) putting things where they belong as opposed to on the nearest flat surface.
I would like to blame the mess on a 3 day power outage we had this past weekend, but to be fair, it's not the power company's fault. It's mine. I did not get the obsessive neat-freak gene that my mother proudly possesses. I did, however get her terrible eyesight.
Tonight, the plan is to tackle the living room. I have good intentions now, but I also have a very comfortable couch.
Maybe I'll just take my glasses off instead. Out of sight, out of mind.
And just so you know, the $14 should be used to buy Twinkies, should you find yourself in possession of my savings after a tragic ninja attack.
When you're done there, can you come over and clean mine up? With school, work and homework, I never seem to have enough time to keep up with it all.
ReplyDeleteWhen I DO clean, I always feel like it's never really clean. I'll work on something and be so proud but then I'll look over at something else and see that it needs to be scrubbed. I'll get that done and find yet another thing. By the time I get that done, the first thing will need to be cleaned again. It's a never ending process and there just aren't enough hours in the day to do it all.
I can do a lot of things...but keeping my house clean is not one of them.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure when you finally do pass, ninjae or no, you WON'T be thinking 'gee, I wish I'd spent more time cleaning'!!
ReplyDeleteSprinkles, I know the feeling well!
ReplyDeleteKirby, Amen! I'd rather be...making art, reading, or giving people I know strange and wonderful nicknames- these are my TRUE SKILLS!
Red, you make a GREAT point!! Cleaning be darned!!
Are you really that much of a buffoon? The answer is very, very simple.
ReplyDeleteOn Friday evening...
pretend to phone a friend
talk for a while about utter crap.
When your man finally gives up and starts walking away start talking about sex. He will hovver out of sight but within earshot.
Now you must say this...
"I know, I quite fancy trying something like that too but I just can't get in the mood for doing that with the house in this much of a mess... not with my knees how they are"
Then laugh dirtily and hang up.
On Saturday your fella will clen the house from top to bottom - trust me on this.
There is of course one small chore that you may have to do afterwards though...
Glen- utterly disgusting and wonderfully brilliant!
ReplyDeleteWish I lived closer, love to declutter. I know, I have a mental problem...lol.
ReplyDeleteMy house is much the same. Everyone just stacks things on the closest flat surface. Also my husband and son apparently do not know how to get the dirty clothes into the basket. Next to it absolutely. In it...no way.
ReplyDeleteWhen I finish my second Bachelors I'm hiring a maid.
Never wear glasses in the bathroom, that's when the lint and hair come into focus.
ReplyDeleteSeems like every horizontal surface in my home is covered with some crap or another, sometimes it's important stuff but mostly not. Drives me insane looking at it some days, but also feel overwhelmed at where to start. If I won a million dollars in the lottery I would hire one of those fancy de-clutterers.
ReplyDelete