Better than a Golden Globe

The lovely Kristy at Pampers and Pinot has given me an award.

I'm quite happy to get this award because I was not given a Golden Globe the other night. I wasn’t even nominated!

I know. I am just as shocked as you are.

Thankfully, this award will fill the hole in my heart just about the size of a Golden Globe.
Thank you Kristy. You are too kind.

As per the rules, I am to tell you 7 things about me.
Wait! Wait! Don't leave.
 I know the last thing you want to do is read silly tidbits about me, but it will be worth it. I illustrated the tidbits myself. They are strange  awesome.

Also, I know just about everything there is to know about me so this should be pretty easy on my end.

All you have to do is read on and feign excitement about these little Katie Knuggets (the 'k' is not silent in either word there.) and enjoy my horrible adorable illustrations.

7 previously undisclosed factoids about yours truly:

1. When she was little, my cousin had absolutely gorgeous, thick, long, hair. My hair was short, bowl-cutted and lame. I was jealous. Her hair was a point of pride for both my cousin and her mother. 
 She and my Aunt went on and on about her hair.

Oh! The things you could do with it!

 Oh! How LONG it took her to grow it.

Oh! The special conditioners that cost big $$ that they gooped into it twice a week

…blah blah gag me.

Well, I got sick of it. One day, I invited my cousin to play beauty shop with me and  accidentally*  cut off a nice big chunk of her hair. It was awesome  horribly tragic. I felt elated very bad. As punishment, both her mom and my mom spanked me.

Totally worth EVERY spanking.

2. I always eat the orange M&M's first because they are far superior to any other color. No one will ever convince me otherwise.

Orange. The KING of M&M's.

3. I am inappropriately in love with my new toothbrush. It’s called a PLAK SMACKER (not kidding) and using it is like having a million sparkly angel kitten whispers clean your teeth. Which sounds strange but is actually wonderful. Don't judge me.

I really wish I had this dress.
Glad I don't have those Wii hands.

4. During college, I started an email program that people could 'subscribe' [subscribers = people who gave me their email addresses] to for Katie’s Thought of the day. These “thoughts” were short, one paragraph observations of campus life or notifications of what I ate for lunch. [Ramen. Again.]
 I like to think they were awesome. I’m not sure what the subscribers really thought.
 As you can see, I was way ahead of Twitter.

This is really what computers looked like in 1997 kids.

5. After getting caught talking for the 8 billionth time in English class in 10th grade, the teacher moved my best friend to the back right hand corner of the room and me to the front left hand corner.
Not to be deterred, we learned sign language and continued to communicate despite the distance.

Mismatched desks = shabby chic.

6. I can not watch gory movies. Especially seeing skin getting cut or punctured. If I see it, I vomit on the spot. Just typing that sentence made me a bit queasy so we’ll be moving right along.

This is also how I looked the year I dressed as Princess Fiona for Halloween.

7. In 1st grade, I told my teacher that someday I was going to write a book and that I wouldn't let her read it because it would probably contain 'swears'. She didn't even bat an eye and said, "I don't mind a swear, as long as it's properly used."
I loved her.

Darnit! It's to blurry to read. Believe me, it's hilarious.


Well, there you have it. 7 little pearls about lil' ol' me.
And what did I tell you about those illustrations? Snazzy, no?

Rules say to pass this award to 15 people. I'm going to pass it to four because I can. YAY!


Those 4blogs are:

Bleeding Healer
Dani's Letters
JoBart
Litany of Brittainy 
{please come back. The blogosphere misses you.}

*That's my story and I'm sticking to it.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Added after posting: The hair cutting incident happened when she was 6 and I was 7.  I didn't cut a little cousin's hair, like, last year or anything. Thought I better clarify. You never can tell with me. 

Tag Time

My last post was kind of a bummer, so I decided to put on my granny panties big girl pants and write something not depressing. Thankfully, my friend Liz came to my rescue and gave me a topic. I really appreciate that because quite honestly, I don't have a  non-depressing post in me right now.
She's awesome. Thanks Liz.




Here are the rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.

2. Paste these rules on your blog post.

3. Respond to the following prompts (in bold).

4. Add a prompt of your own and answer it.

5. Tag a few other bloggers at the bottom of the post.

6. Leave "Tagged You" notices on their blog/Facebook.

7. Let the person who tagged you know when you've written the post.
------------------------------------------------------------

1) The best investment you ever made:
My van. It makes me feel old but I love it so very much.

2) If you could’ve written any book, directed any movie, and composed any song, which three would you pick:

Book: The Harry Potter series. Why? Because JK Rowling has more money than the Queen.

Movie: Drop Dead Fred, because it would embarrass my mother to have to tell people that is what I accomplished in my life when her friends ask about how her children are doing.
Song: Flightless Bird by Iron & Wine. I just love that song.


3) Weirdest quirk:
When I leave a hotel room, I strip the beds, consolidate the garbage, clean out the coffee pot and basically do everything I can to help the person who cleans my room. It drives my husband CRAZY but I have cleaned hotel rooms and I know that doing those things for the attendant will make their day.

Oh, and I HATE  hate hate to talk on the phone. I always have.The only place I do it on purpose is at work. Because they pay me to do so.  Thank God for texting.



4) One wish immediately granted:

New wardrobe.


5) Most expensive hobby:

Reading. I go through a lot of books.


6) An inexhaustible gift-card at which store:

A kids clothing store. My kid is bleeding me dry with all that growing. Ack!

7) In another lifetime, you’d be:

A radio personality.


8) The most famous/interesting member of your family tree:

My Godfather, Uncle Joe. No one is sure of what he does for the U.S. government, but he makes a ton of money and is very secretive. I think if I came out and just asked him what he does for a living, the answer would be, " I"ll tell you, but then I have to kill you." Honestly.


9) What would you say to your teenage self?

Grunge. Not a good look for you. Or anyone. Except Eddie Vedder.


10) What do you want to be when you grow up?

RICHER THAN THE QUEEN!!

11) Proudest moment?

Not passing out after seeing my epidural needle. I NEVER needed to see that thing. In fact, I told the doctor to make sure the anesthesiologist snuck up on me because I would freak out if I knew it was coming.
I did freak out, but I didn't pass out.

I hereby tag:
Litany of Brittainy 
 
And my Michigan Gals:
Rattling of the Brain
Diapers and Dragons
Life with the Dietrichs

5 Things that will be on the test.

I've been tagged by Teacher Mommy at Diapers and Dragons  to do the 5ive Things meme.
Never one to shy away from making a list, I have decided to just go ahead and do it.
Plus Teacher Mommy is from Michigan and I am ALL ABOUT doing anything a fellow Michigander asks me to... within reason.

This Meme requires me to answer 5 questions and then tag 5 fellow bloggers.
That, I can handle.

So here we go...

1. Where were you 5 years ago?

Physically, I was in Petoskey Michigan.

Emotionally, I was in a dark place. A place you get to by being deprived of sleep. I was moody, cranky, and not a whole lot of fun to be around. I had a one year old and it was just him and I in a small apartment. Alone together. All. Day.

Yes, Petoskey is one of the most beautiful places in Northern Michigan, so how could I be sad, right? Well folks, like I said, I was stuck in my teeny tiny apartment which did NOT have this view. If only.

2.Where would you like to be 5 years from now?

I would like to be in a warmer, southern state. I don't really care where. I. HATE.SNOW.

Hate.

However, I would be happy just being here on earth, and alive. The whole 2012 (the latest prediction about the end of the world) thing might put a kink into that plan though. Hopefully not.

 

3. What are 5 things on your To Do list for today?

1. Complete 5 Things Meme

2. Work

3.Laundry

4. Chocolate covered potato chips. Buy AND eat.

5. Grocery Shopping.

I know. I live a a pretty charmed life. Seeooowwww glamorous.

Also, please note that just because the chocolate covered potato chips are number 4 on the list, they are number 1 in my heart.

 

4. What are 5 snacks you enjoy

1. Chocolate covered potato chips, obviously.

2. Frozen Twinkies

3. Pretzel M&M's

4. Crunchers Potato chips

5. Cantaloupe. And no, I didn't just add that because the rest of my list is complete rubbish. Yes I did.

 

5. What are 5 things you would do if you were a billionaire?

1. Build my own personal rollerskating rink. (Priorities, people!) It will be rad, and you are all invited.

2. Pay off my debt

3. Build a new public library. The "Katie" wing would be awesome.

4. College funds for my son and nieces & nephews

5. Trust fund for my son

Look into cryogenics to have myself frozen and brought back to life in 3127 is just assumed here, right?

Well, there you go. Insights into my very soul.

I now tag

the lovely masterminds behind the following blogs:

Rattling of the brain... another Michigan girl.

Nerdy Computer Girl in the new Decade because she leaves me THE sweetest comments.

Politics because he's my brother- and knows things about politics that I have to google.

Random Ramblings of a Stay at Home Mum because I am a bit addicted to reading her blog. Seriously, she is probably creeped out by me if she has stat counter. I'm sure I show up there a lot.

Tmena Blogger/Photographer-because she is an AMAZING photographer. Her pictures are so gorgeous it's insane.

Aww heck... you're all tagged. Just do it if you want to, ok?

*all photos lovingly borrowed from google images.

You sit there and listen young lady, M'kay?

As much as I would like to keep my last post  up forever (I'm totally proud, and all), I have decided that today I would take part in a meme that I found over at Confessions of a Jaded Gym Junkie by the Jaded Vixen herself.

Meme:  Letter to my younger self :

(I have taken liberties, of course. I would like to tell young Katie some specific things.

I work better in the form of lists anyway.)

Your two best friends are going to move. Far away. New York and Wisconsin to be exact. You will grow apart eventually because of the distance but don't worry, when you do get to see each other it's just like old times. And the word 'stiffy" is timeless. Kara will still use it. 

Your highschool boyfriend is going to break up with you your first year in college. Your heart will be broken. When it happens, dont embarass yourself. Don't start smoking and stop eating. This will not bring him back and will only create more issues for you to deal with. Be sad about it, but know that you are about to become the hot ticket in your dorm. Your social calendar is gonna fill up fast!

Be nicer to your suite mate in the dorm. Yes, she annoys you because of the fact that she refuses to wear pants in the common areas but just ignore it. This will be a great story to be able to hold over her head tell when you're 30.

I suggest that you do not take that ill advised trip with friends to Sault Ste. Marie Canada.  If you must, try-TRY to remember that the border guards will NOT think the four of you are funny.

The correct answer to the inquiry of  what you were doing in Canada is,

"We came for the weekend to do some shopping and sightseeing"

and NOT

"Hookers. We were looking for hookers... and black market cat livers"

 And no, you will not die in a Canadian jail like you thought you would. Close call though.

Don't do yourself a disservice by  pretending to like HORRIBLE bands just because your significant other does.  Rob Zombie? Insane Clown Posse?

uh, no.

You don't have to marry the first person who asks you. You will, but you don't have to.

If you are having dinner at someone's house and you ask what they've made, but they won't tell you until you try it... It's probably squirrel or some other horrifying food that you would never eat in a million years.

Also, stop eating at this house. Ew.

In the summer of 2007, give your Aunt Ann a nice long hug and tell her that you love her. Tell her that her love of bingo and the very colorful strings of curse words that she puts together are just some of the things you truly love about her. 

It will be the last time you ever see her.

Embrace your weirdness.

Your son is everything  you ever wished you could have and more.

Don't take your husband forgranted. He is one of the best things that will ever happen to you.

But he fishes a lot.

Protect your good credit rating.

I may need to do this one again, I just thought of like, five billion other things teen-me needs to know.

Next time.

Bloggers without makeup

Well, if the only reason you are a reader of this blog is because you believe I look like a cross between Elle McPherson and Sandra Bullock, you may want to quietly click away from this page.

For those of you that are still here, today has been deemed "Bloggers without makeup" day. The effort here is to obliterate unrealistic stereotypes about beauty. You know, like the misguided notion that you have to look like the ladies mentioned above to be considered beautiful. Jodie at Mummy Mayhem came up with this idea and has a blog hop there, if you would like to participate. (Thank you Jodie!)

Yes, most of us put on make up every day to try to make ourselves prettier. A little concealer here and there serves to enhance our natural features thereby making us feel more confident.  I am not against make up by any means.

However, I do believe it's time that society changes it's view on what you must look like to be considered beautiful.

Yes, Sandra Bullock is gorgeous. Amazing really, but so is my mother who has never been on the cover of a magazine in her life. She is not a size zero. She is not 6 feet tall. She has never gone to the beach in less than a tee shirt and long pants. She has never gotten a botox injection. She doesn't have a personal trainer or chef. Her hair is graying. Her laugh lines show even when she isn't laughing.

She is real. She is a good human being. That is true beauty. And there are SO many more just like her!

So, here is the real me. Elle McPherson by no means, but real and dare I say, bee-u-tee-ful?

Take THAT society!!

Dear Title line, this is going to be my title.

Since I am having some trouble being original as of late, I have decided to do a post that is just plain easy and fun.

Big ol' thank you's to my bloggy buddies who did this first, Kristin at Wanderlust who got the idea from Claire Marie at Spontaneous Delight

 Without further ado, here are my letters to inanimate objects.

Dear Crack in my windshield,
     Of all of the places on the ENTIRE windshield, I can appreciate that you beat the odds and ended up directly in my eye line. However, when the sun hits you, I am blinded. Not cool. There's a kid in the car!






Dear Sink full of dishes,
     I am seriously contemplating reworking this months budget so that I can just throw all of you out and start again, with new, clean dishes. And yes, it WOULD be worth eating boxed mac & cheese for the rest of the month to do so.






Dear Radio Station,
     I counted Lady Antebellum EIGHT times yesterday. I have barely forgiven you for the HOT MOM contest. Don't press your luck.






Dear Lottery,
     I swear that if I win you, the FIRST thing I will do is donate a substantial portion of you to my local public library. Then and ONLY then, will I buy myself a Buick Enclave.






Dear iPod Touch,
     I don't even WANT to know what that crusty stuff on your screen is.






Dear Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie that my son has watched 67 times in 3 days,
     Tonight you go back to the video store.




Dear Fishing boat,
     I am a bit jealous of my husbands love for you but secretely I am glad he has finally found you.




Dear To Do list,
      Quit looking at me! Stop! I said stop!




Dear search for my dad,
     You are not progressing as well as I thought you would. Step it up a notch please. He and I are not getting any younger.




Dear Blogs I love,
     I love reading you all the time, however, sometimes you make me feel like a blogging imposter. I need to step up my game. You are AMAZING!

Today A few weeks ago, I was given this beautiful award by one of my FAVE-O-RITE bloggers Brenda, at Mummy Time. Thank you very much, Brenda. If you have not visited her blog, I suggest you do. Especially if you would like a good laugh. Or a chuckle. Even if you would  just like to giggle-this is the place to do so. 

The Rules are that you are to state 7 things about yourself and then pass the award to 7 more bloggers.

These are simple rules that I can handle. Though I am only passing this on to 3 bloggers. For now.

Here we go.

BUT  First, here are some bloggers that I love that I would like to have this award:

 Rattling of the Brain- You should check out this blog because this gal is from Michigan. If that is not enough of a reason, she also has a tattoo of something her grandma drew. I know. How cool is that? Oh, and she has 1 follower-and it's me. 'Nuff said.

Wherever you go...there you are...-I like Rhonda because she makes me feel better about being a cougar. Plus, On St. Patty's day she wrote in GREEN.  I am so jealous I did not think of that. Pay Rhonda a visit she will make you smile.

Layin' it down for all to see- Do yourself a favor and read through this blog. It is strange and wonderful on every level. I love it, love it, love it. This is my go to Monday morning blog. 

So...in trying to be KREATIVE and all, I am going to make the theme of these 7 bits about me come ONLY from my super fascinating highschool years.

 In high schools I was voted:

Most humorous (read: I was in trouble a lot)

Most School Spirit (read: I could be very annoying)

Prettiest Eyes (read: I paid people to vote for me for this one)

An english assigment that was given in 11th grade was:  Write a 500 word essay on what you are going to do to succeed in the real world after highschool.

 (The answers they were looking for-College, Hard Work,Budgeting, yada yada. BORING!)

The title of my paper was-

"I am going to succeed in the real world by sleeping my way to the top."

 My grade? One day in-school suspension spent with the principal.

Totally worth it!

I once dyed my hair black and orange (ridiculous school colors).

What can I say? MOST SCHOOL SPIRIT, people! 

Thankfully no photographic proof of this exists.

That I know of.

I was once groped in a bar during school hours. I was sent to the bar during school hours to sell year book ads.

Yep. True story.

The car I drove to school in did not have heat but it DID have a cassette player so whatev. Also, the passenger side door had to be held closed from the inside which didn't matter to me, but my cousin hated it, being my passenger every day. What were my parents THINKING?

I went to school with 2 people who became 'Famous' with their bands. You know- famous like Paris Hilton and Kate Gosslin where you wonder WHY?  Not famous like, say, Michael Jackson

I took a German Language class via satellite with a school that offered it not too far away. We secretely called the teacher Herr Hair because of his luxurious golden locks.

Seemed funnier then.

Incidentally, I did NOT sleep my way to the top.

But...it's never to late to start.

I've been tagged. Now I'm hungry.

The ever hilarious Brenda at one of my fave-o-rite morning blog reading stops tagged lil ol' me.

The first tag was for a list of  10 things that make me happy.
The second was for a list of things that I just don't have the guts to do.

With no further ado we will commence with the 10 things that make me happy:

1. This child  who I thought I would never have but there he is. He's smart and kind and sensitive and insightful and funny.  This is the face he makes when I ask him to be serious. 
2. When my husband does something unexpected-like sends me flowers on a day that is NOT my birthday or Mother's day. Or brings home my favorite magazine. Ah, the little things.
3. Chocolate covered potato chips and pumpkin pie. Even though the indulgence in  these very foods are the reasons I have to buy parachute undies. 
4. When traveling- seeing animals that aren't native to Northern Michigan. I have seen more deer and elk  and bear than I can shake a stick at. Boring.  I loved seeing dolphins in Florida,  and buffalo in South Dakota,  I would love to see parrots free flying or giraffes that are not in a zoo. Oh, and Moose. I want to see a moose in the wild.  That would make he super happy!
5. Compliments on my son's behavior.
6. My grandparents still loving and romantic 60 year marriage.
7. Summertime weather. All three days we get of it.
8. Baby animals. I am such a sucker for little furry faces!
9. When my teenage nieces think they have 'found' some type of music that they are going to "introduce me to" (such as Michael Mackson) and I can show them proof (photo's of me as a kid in my MJ shirt,  glittery glove, and red zipper jacket) that I loved him before they were even born. Score one for Aunt Katie. It's good to know I'm not a total square.
10.  Getting comments on my posts and followers for my blog.  There is no better feeling than recognition for something you care so much about. I have always dreamed of being an author with scads of adoring fans- but even if this never happens, it's a big boost to the ego to know that my words are being read. 

This is where I was going to start my list of things I don't have the guts to do. Instead I am going to get some chocolate covered potato chips. The shop that sells these is just 223 steps away.  Yes, I've counted.

(446 steps and an 8 oz. bag of chocolate 'tato chips later)

Things I do not have the guts to do.  (I will not get wordy, I promise)

1. Sing Karaoke. (You can thank me later)
2. Hold a mouse. Or a rat. Or a Snake. Even baby ones.
3. Get a shot. I am a total baby. They know me at the local hospital. My nickname is 'total baby'. Not a lie.
4. Watch gory movies. I can not stand watching people have their (gag) skin...(retch)....cut....(blech). I am totally dry heavin' just thinking about it!
5. Get a tattoo. I have made poor decisions in my life. Thankfully they weren't permanently stamped on my body like this one would be. Also- needles. No.
6. Get on an airplane. My last flight home from Las Vegas has totally killed flying for me. Can't bring myself to do it again.
7. Let my son ride the public school bus.
8. Tell my neighbor I am tired of having to hear her have sex with her newest flavor of the day. (Although it needs to be done. I dont need my six year old hearing that crap)
9. Go to my 15 year class reunion without losing at least 10 lbs.
10. Curb my handbag shopping. Can't do it. Don't want to do it. Not going to try.

If you are reading this- consider yourself tagged. (Don't worry mom. I will explain it all later.)